While reading this post please go to the bottom of the page and on the play list click on song #3 while you are reading.
It has now been almost 7 weeks since we had a foster child placed in our care. I have contacted our resource advocate and she says that there have been babies placed in the past several weeks and was not sure why we were not called. I have been so upset by this that some times all I can do is cry out to God for His comfort and peace. We SO long to have a baby in the house. I had been given some advice almost 2 weeks ago to call the placement department and let them know it had been some time since I had a baby and that I am a stay home mom and available when they call. This message was echoed by our resource advocate just last week. I was so excited! Then...here comes my "little ray of sunshine". Patrick said "No, let's wait." My bubble of excitement found the Hindenburg's fate as I sat in disbelief. We both want this...why is he saying no?! He said that he believed that we were given this time to grow in our faith and strengthen our foundation. He wanted me to read this book that we have had for over a year. Now I tried to read this marital book before and it seemed awfully one sided and "not applicable to me". This ti
me Patrick asked if I'd read it before we called. I reluctantly agreed and started the reading marathon. I got out my highlighter and marked all the "important parts". I prayed that God would open my eyes to see what I was supposed to "get" from this material. I am seeing what He had in mind. I am seeing that my reading in haste was wrong and that I have a lot to learn about the subject matter. For the past 48 hours I have been praying that the lessons be revealed and that our marriage be strengthened and nourished. Tonight we got the movie Fireproof and watched it again. I cried all the way through it...again. I was reminded that I can not muster up all the respect that Patrick needs all by myself. I cannot, without begging God on my face, respect Patrick. I just don't know how with out Him. Don't get me wrong. We have a really good marriage. We love each other and are best buddies. We often take that for granted, especially when stress levels (and hormones) rise. I needed a reminder that God created the marriage covenant. He created us so differently that we have to die to self daily and sacrificially serve the others needs. IT IS NOT ABOUT ME!! IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH HOW I FEEL! I have been blessed with an amazing godly husband that I know others would envy. I am thankful that in reluctance to comply, I found peace. So while I wait for the phone to ring with a child, I will serve and I will worship!
me Patrick asked if I'd read it before we called. I reluctantly agreed and started the reading marathon. I got out my highlighter and marked all the "important parts". I prayed that God would open my eyes to see what I was supposed to "get" from this material. I am seeing what He had in mind. I am seeing that my reading in haste was wrong and that I have a lot to learn about the subject matter. For the past 48 hours I have been praying that the lessons be revealed and that our marriage be strengthened and nourished. Tonight we got the movie Fireproof and watched it again. I cried all the way through it...again. I was reminded that I can not muster up all the respect that Patrick needs all by myself. I cannot, without begging God on my face, respect Patrick. I just don't know how with out Him. Don't get me wrong. We have a really good marriage. We love each other and are best buddies. We often take that for granted, especially when stress levels (and hormones) rise. I needed a reminder that God created the marriage covenant. He created us so differently that we have to die to self daily and sacrificially serve the others needs. IT IS NOT ABOUT ME!! IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH HOW I FEEL! I have been blessed with an amazing godly husband that I know others would envy. I am thankful that in reluctance to comply, I found peace. So while I wait for the phone to ring with a child, I will serve and I will worship!
2 comments:
Your blog is very encouraging to me! Often times I find it so hard to wait on God, even when I know its best! I am praying for your family! I know you all would make such a wonderful home for a sweet little baby!
It is so hard to wait sometimes! Especially when you are longing for a sweet child! I learned a lot about God's love while waiting 6 years for Claire. In His timing, He will bless your family with a precious little one to care for!
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