I wave my hand up in the air and blowing kisses to the crowd. A delicate tear rolls down my cheek as I say, "Thanks You! OH, Thanks You!" to the judges. My glistening crown is perfectly nestled in my beautifully coiffed hair. ~Snort~ gasp~Ok as I wipe the drool from my cheek and waken from my dream I realize that not only have I fallen asleep on the couch but my children have once again won the battle that they have waged to keep my house a scattered mess. I look around daily and wonder if I will ever be able to gain some kind of organization in my home. As quoted from my magic 8 ball..."Decidedly NO". ARRGG!! I just cannot figure out how some people can pull it together and KEEP it together. I try and try and always seem to end up feeling like a huge disastrous failure. I have a friend, Tracy, who by all accounts holds the title for most organized person I have ever met. Her house is immaculate, it even smells good. She always looks really put together, never a hair out of place. Hey people, her van looks like it just rolled off the show room floor, not a crumb in sight. Without a doubt she is my hero. Today during a homeschool meeting (that she organized) she pulled out a lovely book with calenders, schedules and plans all in colorful floral papers. I bet they smelled good too! :) I jokingly leaned over her book to act as if I were regurging all over it. To be honest I am amazed at what she was able to put together and I am sure that she will stick perfectly to her beautifully laid out plan. She really is a wonder! Oh yeah...she is also one of the most loving, generous, selfless people I have ever met. Yes, we hate her! :) I cannot figure for the life of me why some people can do stuff like that and then there are people like me. I have made some of the most creative lists (if I do say so myself) and hung them up with pride and determination and within a week they lay under assorted papers and books with edges covered in dust. How is that? I often find that if I make a list or schedule that in my failing to keep all the "i's" dotted and all the "t's" crossed that I lose a huge amount of confidence in my ability to do much at all. We were told in our adoption classes that the BEST thing we can do for these kids is to give them a schedule and a routine. My life is anything BUT. Once again, I am intimidated and concerned. My God tells me that I can do all things through Him. Does that include checklists and organizing? He tells me that I am MORE than a conqueror. Does that include my time? Is all that even important for who I am in Christ. I say that because I have tried for so long to live up to the beauty that I see in my friends and family. The incredible gifts and qualities that were given to them. I often try so hard to be "like" them. I have cried to Patrick many a night questioning why I cannot seem to get myself together. One night in his sweet and comforting way he said this to me. "You'll never be the first rate you that God created you to be if you are striving to be a second class her." Wow! Who God created me to be. That is pretty amazing. So tonight, as I look at 3 piles of magazines that I have been pondering for 3 weeks what to do with, silver children's slippers scattered in the den floor among the multi pieced transformers, dishes in the sink that I have postponed loading in the washer til tomorrow... I have peace. My mind is sound. My family is together. My God is on the throne. I have peace.
Cluttered disorganized peace. :)
No comments:
Post a Comment