That Little Black Hair

Starting early in my teens I became very conscious of my hygiene and overall appearance. It wasn't until my early 30's that I discovered the gruesome fate that most all women will eventually uncover...those little coarse black chin hairs. It is usually contributed to normal hormonal changes. The reasoning behind the vexation however, is irrelevant if you find the little nuisance on your own face. Since I first noticed it, I have been pretty diligent in smoothing, searching out and tweezing the weed-like anomalies. Today as I got in the car to head to church, I sat in the passenger seat of my car with the morning light streaming warmth into the frost laden vehicle. I glanced in the mirror and was set aback in horror as I saw the light revealing a lengthy, black hair streaming from my perfectly powdered chin. I was so upset! I mean, I go over my face so carefully. I daily give my chin area thorough examination trying to be sure that I am maintaining the velveteen complexion of my youth. That stiff black hair was a reminder of my sin. As hard as I may try to conceal, groom, or disguise my sin, the Light will reveal it. Numbers 32:23 reminds us to "be sure your sin will find you out". 1Corinthians 4 points out that the Lord will bring light to things hidden in the darkness. My sin is revealed for all to see. More than what concerns man, it concerns God Himself. In Genesis He is referred to as El Roi (the God Who Sees). There is no where we can go to hide from the Lord. It was really a good refresher for me today. Last night I did not sleep well at all. Earlier in the evening I had seen a "long lost" family member on Facebook and it brought back emotions of bitterness and anger. I was forced to deal with my sin...ALL NIGHT LONG. I tossed and turned! I moaned and groaned! I ached and pained! The whole time trying to think of a way to let "so-and-so" know just how wrong they are. I wanted to let them know how bad they were and how many lives they touched with their evil ways. My heart was so burdened with feelings of contempt that the Holy Spirit had no choice but to draw my ugliness into the light. He had to show me the proverbial hair on my face and hand me the tweezers to quickly pluck it from my heart. He showed me that He is El Roi and sees the heart of that person. He sees what lies beneath and that "there is nothing concealed that will not be revealed or hidden that will not be made known". (Matt 10:26 NASB) It was not my place to reveal to all this person's friends what God knows in secret. My imperfect aesthetic reminder this morning allowed me to go into my Father's house to worship and pray for that person in love. No matter what, I love that person and will lift them up in prayer that God will draw her close to Himself. So from now on, not only will I carry a set of tweezers to the van, I will let it be a reminder to ask God to reveal my sin to me so I can serve Him with a pure and faithful heart.

While I'm Waiting

While reading this post please go to the bottom of the page and on the play list click on song #3 while you are reading.

It has now been almost 7 weeks since we had a foster child placed in our care. I have contacted our resource advocate and she says that there have been babies placed in the past several weeks and was not sure why we were not called. I have been so upset by this that some times all I can do is cry out to God for His comfort and peace. We SO long to have a baby in the house. I had been given some advice almost 2 weeks ago to call the placement department and let them know it had been some time since I had a baby and that I am a stay home mom and available when they call. This message was echoed by our resource advocate just last week. I was so excited! Then...here comes my "little ray of sunshine". Patrick said "No, let's wait." My bubble of excitement found the Hindenburg's fate as I sat in disbelief. We both want this...why is he saying no?! He said that he believed that we were given this time to grow in our faith and strengthen our foundation. He wanted me to read this book that we have had for over a year. Now I tried to read this marital book before and it seemed awfully one sided and "not applicable to me". This time Patrick asked if I'd read it before we called. I reluctantly agreed and started the reading marathon. I got out my highlighter and marked all the "important parts". I prayed that God would open my eyes to see what I was supposed to "get" from this material. I am seeing what He had in mind. I am seeing that my reading in haste was wrong and that I have a lot to learn about the subject matter. For the past 48 hours I have been praying that the lessons be revealed and that our marriage be strengthened and nourished. Tonight we got the movie Fireproof and watched it again. I cried all the way through it...again. I was reminded that I can not muster up all the respect that Patrick needs all by myself. I cannot, without begging God on my face, respect Patrick. I just don't know how with out Him. Don't get me wrong. We have a really good marriage. We love each other and are best buddies. We often take that for granted, especially when stress levels (and hormones) rise. I needed a reminder that God created the marriage covenant. He created us so differently that we have to die to self daily and sacrificially serve the others needs. IT IS NOT ABOUT ME!! IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH HOW I FEEL! I have been blessed with an amazing godly husband that I know others would envy. I am thankful that in reluctance to comply, I found peace. So while I wait for the phone to ring with a child, I will serve and I will worship!

A Season of Provision

I had mentioned in a previous blog about the hardship that our family has been enduring for the past several months. It has been since October 31 since we have received a full pay check. Many of the weeks in between there has been no income whatsoever. Our business has slowed dramatically due to reasons including the recession, the holidays and the winter months. We always expect the winter months to slower but throwing in the other issues has been very difficult. Several weeks ago in Sunday School I requested prayer for our company and our family. I asked that God bless us and acknowledged that He is our Jehovah Jireh. We know that everything that we have or ever will have is given by His hand. The list of events that followed that prayer has changed our lives. It has given us proof that we serve a LIVING God and that He hears our prayers. He cares for the largest and smallest of our wants and needs. He also has revealed to us Himself through His body in the church. We were amazed at how our church family stepped up to help. I want to point out before I begin that we never asked for ANY of these things. That God sent His ministers (servants) to us in our time of need.

The following is not necessarily in chronological order.

1. A lasagna dinner when we had nothing to eat for supper.

2. A freezer full of Venison that fed our family meat for a couple weeks.

3. A Thanksgiving food basket that contained enough food to supply more than a weeks worth of groceries.

4. A specific cash paying job that paid for milk and bread when we had none.

5. A cooler of leftover food that supplied our desires for a sandwich one day after church. See the blog entry "God Loves Club Sandwiches".

6. A Chicken Alfredo Dinner with desert and extras.

7. A large roast beef dinner with a box of Cheetos and a bulk supply of Mac and Cheese. We are still feasting on it.

8. Two ladies brought a weeks worth of groceries to our house one Sunday after church. We had no idea they were coming when they showed up. We were praying that day for God to provide food for the week. This was a silent prayer for our family. No one knew but us.

9. We were out of bread when a family member sent over bread and PB for the kids. She also sent Patrick's favorite cereal without even knowing he liked it.

10. We had a food basket at Christmas that had just the food staples we needed to keep up. It also had a turkey that lasted for 3 dinners. Patrick does not eat or like turkey but he said this was the best he'd had.

11. Our phone bill was due (and late)and needed to be paid on a day that we had not a dime to our name. We just happened to get a paycheck that week that covered that bill, another one, AND groceries.

12. Our church paid our house payment and KUB for December.

13. Our church paid our house payment and KUB for January.

14. We had a HUGE plumbing issue right at Christmas. We did not have a dime. God let me borrow the money from a family member and pay it back within a 3 day time span.

15. Some friends of ours won a dinner for four at a NICE restaurant in Pigeon Forge. They called and asked US to be their guests. We had a HUGE dinner with friends and got to talk about and glorify our amazing God for several hours that night.

16. One week when I had to find a way to feed 5 people for $40, I found a sale on split chicken breasts in a family pack for $0.88 lb. We were able to eat for over a week on that purchase.

17. Some precious members of our church family bought gifts for our kids for Christmas.

18. Just before Christmas a friend from my Sunday School class brought us a HUGE basket of baked goodies and treats. The kids even said it was like Halloween but with Christmas stuff. She also included a $50 Ingle's gift card that fed the five of us for the week.

Believe it or not there has been more. We have learned invaluable lessons on life. We learned how to bundle up and be warm without turning up the heat. We have learned the MANY uses of a bucket when you have no outgoing water in the house. We have also been full off a dinner that was stretched to cover more than one night. We have learned TRUE meaning in the words of God is great, God is good, Let us thank Him for our food. We have heard our children say this was the best Christmas ever, when they got less than any year before. We have felt the gift of friends and know that Clarence the angel from the movie "It's a Wonderful Life" was right when he said "No man is a failure who has friends". We found this out and also felt like George Bailey himself...."the richest man in town."

Let it Snow!!!

Yesterday the weatherman called for a possibility of snow showers in the East Tennessee Valley. We have become accustomed to the fact that no matter how often they predict a snow shower IT NEVER HAPPENS. So this morning it was not surprising at all to wake up to the same old dead brown grass. BLAH...weatherman! I had just nestled into the couch feeling a bit under the weather (pardon the pun), when I saw a flurry pass the window. I alerted Jack to open the curtains and by the time we had full view, the sky had opened up with fluffy pillows of frozen precipitation. It was actually snowing AND it was actually laying on the front porch and fore lying grass. The kids immediately wanted to run outside and take in the chilled splendor. It had only been snowing less than an hour and it was really quite sparse. Each child had their late breakfast and was begging to go out and play. I was a bit reluctant, but knowing how infrequent snowy days are in recent years I decided to let them go out. They all packed on double pants, socks, and shirts, waterproof gloves and coats, and topped off with woolly hats and scarves. They looked as if they were ready to take on the Arctic Tundra only to be facing the light dusting that had accumulated all around. Immediately they started rolling balls all around the yard. To my surprise, the balls grew and grew until a small snowman could be formed. The yard, at this point, had been stripped of its feathery blanket and the greenish brown undercoat was once again revealed. The 3 foot concoction of dusty snow and the will of three children stood in the front yard proudly and somewhat discolored from leafy debris. As I looked at the pitiful snowy figure that was affectionately named "Jeffy" I became very aware of my own layer of debris. I too was a cold mass all dirty and tarnished with my sin. My only salvation was with the precious blood of Christ that was shed for me so that I could be washed as white as the falling snow. Ephesians 1:4 talks about how He chose me (Brandi) before the foundations of the world, and I (Brandi) would be Holy (sanctified) and blameless (pure like snow)in front of Him. Oh what a beautiful lesson. To see that although I may have "leaves and dirt" I am purified, washed and whiter than snow (Ps 51:7) in His eyes. As the snow continues to fall, I can only think of each little mercy that is renewed. They are renewed just as each icy flake falls from the sky today...in abundance.

The Battle to Submit

On November 1st we welcomed a new addition to our family. He is a Yorkshire Terrier who we lovingly named Pastor Phil after our own Pastor at First Baptist Church in Powell. He is an active little pup that has more energy in his sleep that I can muster up in a full day. He is a big ball of loose black curls. Poor little Pastor didn't realize that by moving into our home he was treading in someone else's territory. It wasn't 30 minutes into his first day that we soon realized that our Bassett/Beagle mix Bob Barker was not too fond of the intruder. This dog that had NEVER shown an ounce of aggression was now showing his teeth and deep throated rumblings were bellowing out of him. Pastor could not even come within a few feet before Bob gave his verbal warnings to stay away. I was told by others not to worry that he would soon adjust and they would become the best of friends. Two weeks past and Bob was as mean and ugly as he could be without devouring the little 8 week old in one large chomp. Pastor had pursued Bob with a determination that I have only seen from Olympians and middle aged women with no sense of conscience. The pup was persistent that he wanted to PLAY, PLAY,PLAY!!! Bob wouldn't begin to entertain the idea that this was now a 2 dog family. I was getting worried that we would have to return the gift of the puppy and find him a home that would allow him to be the playful pooper that he was designed to be. In total frustration of the matter, I lifted my eyes to the Lord. I prayed that moment for peace. The dogs had pushed me to my wits end and I knew that their Creator would be the only One that could offer me any solice. Not long after my plea for a cease of hostilities, something strange happened. Pastor approached Bob with yet another attempt to initiate sport. Bob gave him a stern bark and Pastor lie flat on his back, paws in the air and as still as the grave. Bob used this moment to push Pastor around the room like a dust mop (which was kinda nice) and examine every inch of the lesser with authority and dominion. As he gave an occasional grunt to the pup, I grew increasingly nervous. Pastor, however, remained placid. It was as if Bob were saying firmly, "I am the boss here! You are in MY house! You will follow MY rules and do as I say! Any rebellion of the previously mentioned will be reprimanded with your own discomfort! Be warned that I am in control here. I expect you to understand and abide accordingly." It was at that very moment that the Lord chose to speak to me and show me another lesson about Himself. He reminded me of a time that He said almost those words almost verbatim to me. He was assuring me that He was in control. My trying to take charge was not working. He included that if I abide with Him and in His word that I would no longer have to suffer on my own, but find a friend and shelter in Him. I am still amazed that God chose me to be His. That He found me worthy of his love and safety. I watched as He gave me a concrete example of our relationship in that of my dogs. I am in awe that He chooses me to give show such examples. I think it funny how he shares with me in ways that I can "get" like that of the beasts He has given me dominion over. Although Pastor Phil still gets on Bob's last nerve (I am sure that is not the case with God), they play, wrestle, and run every waking moment. I observe them joyfully and keep watch for the next moment that God uses to reveal Himself to me.

God Loves Club Sandwiches

The rumors of my death have been greatly exaggerated! I have been MIA for the past few months busy with all the events that a mom can have. I have been journaling though and am looking forward to catching up over the next few days. The Christmas season went as quickly as it came. It was a whirlwind of activity and we have the scars to prove it. The one really big thing that stuck out this season was the awesome provision of our Heavenly Father. He showed us how to be thankful during Thanksgiving and then overwhelmed us with not only the gift of his Son but the gift of friends and an amazing church family. The story I am getting ready to share is just one of the many I will include over the next few days. It is so amazing how God cares about even the slightest of details.

Since October Patrick's business has been less than financially fruitful. It has caused a financial hardship that we have, at times, felt overwhelming. The one thread that has held us together is the love of God shown through our friends and church family. We looked forward to the Thanksgiving holiday as we always do. We go to Patrick's Mom and Dad's house for a pot luck dinner that includes several hours of family fun and fellowship. One great thing about the gathering is the abundance of leftovers. This year I was particularly looking forward to bringing home some extras due to our trying times. I had just spent MUCH less at the grocery store due to my tighter budget and was excited to get my yummy ham and turkey leftovers for our weekly club sandwiches following church on Sunday. The shocker came at the end of the long feast. NO LEFTOVERS REMAINED!!! I was disappointed, but we were so full from our dinner I couldn't help but be thankful for what we had consumed throughout the day. Sunday came and I had not really thought about the post church sandwiches of which I had nothing for. On the way home it dawned on me my dilemma. I informed the family that we would have to eat some waffles and with long sighs they reluctantly agreed. I could not help but think to myself how good a thick ham, turkey, and bacon filled club would be. I got home and was just about to don my raggedy T-shirt (for some reason I cannot throw that thing out) and a pair of comfy jammie bottoms. I had not even got off the first boot when the kids started screaming that someone was at the door. I jumped up to greet a dear girlfriend from church. She was divorced this year and her children had gone to spend Thanksgiving weekend with their dad. She had a small cooler of things that she said she felt the Lord laying on her heart to bring me. She told me of all the extra food she had at the house from her children's absence and that she had been instructed by God to bring it to me. I eagerly opened the cooler to find...YEP, you guessed it...turkey and honey baked ham. I turned to her with tear filled eyes and thanked her so much. As she left I could not contain myself. My Father loves me so much that He provided for my desire for our club sandwiches. That afternoon I prepared the thickest most decadent club sandwiches that our plates had ever seen. It was a honor to see that God doesn't spare us from all the blessings He can give. He is as concerned about the little things as much as I am. I now know that God hears even the slightest groanings of my heart and that maybe, just maybe God loves club sandwiches too.